I've started to write this post about 10 times and I can't write for crying. Mother's Day will always be bittersweet for me, no two ways about it. My heart is full to bursting being the momma of my two precious girls. My heart breaks in two again missing my own Momma. I suppose that it will be that way until we meet again, and I have to be okay with that. If she wasn't so amazing, it wouldn't hurt so much. But I cannot be completely sad, I have too much to be happy about! My girls have given me the best "job" I could ever have! When I hold them and kiss them and smell their hair, I get a glimpse of what Heaven must be like. When I watch them sing and dance together, love on each other, or hold hands while they are sleeping, I can't hold back the tears. There just aren't words for that. When I'm holding back a handful of red curls and cleaning up after a 3am stomach bug, when they've changed clothes for the umpteenth time in 24 hours and I don't know what's clean and what's not, when somebody has a nightmare but doesn't know what a nightmare is and comes running crying into my room...those moments are sacred too, but in a different way. And then there are those other moments...when they're fighting over a drink in the backseat and all of a sudden my head is wet, when I can't type a sentence for having to get up and fix a drink or wipe a behind, when I really really wish that someone would come and get them before my head explodes but know that nobody is on their way. I think we've all been there. It's all part of being a momma, and I wouldn't trade that job for anything.
There's a line from one of my favorite movies that comes to mind when I think of my girls. In Hope Floats, Birdee is talking to her daughter Bernice and tells her, "I"m just an ordinary person. And that's OK. Because YOU make me special. Don't you know that? Don't you know that you are everything in this world to me?" That's exactly how I feel. I wish I could explain that in terms that my girls could understand, but I think it's not something that you can fully grasp until you're older. After 5 1/2 years, I'm still learning how to do this momma thing, and making plenty of mistakes along the way. I lose my patience too much and don't "let it go" enough. (Now that's stuck in your head. You're welcome.) I want my girls to remember me the way that I remember my Momma. To me, being a momma is one of the highest honors, and I want to respect that. I've got a long way to go, but I'm thankful that the good Lord and my sweet girls love me and forgive me like they do. I'm thankful for a husband that loves me and helps me on this journey. I'm thankful for the great examples I've had to learn from, not just my own Momma, but many others.
Happy Mother's Day to all of you!
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