40

Today, the girls and I ate lunch with my sweet Daddy on what would have been his and Momma's 40th wedding anniversary.  Wow.  I try not to wish my life away, but sometimes I just think...  I know my Momma would not come back from where she is for anything in this world, and deep, deep down, I wouldn't want her to.  I believe that she watches over us, sees our smiles and our joys, and talks to her Father about us.  Most of the time, those thoughts are enough for me.  But sometimes, the hurt creeps back in and I have a very selfish longing for her to be here with me.  To talk to me and hold me when I'm hurting.  To laugh and cry with me, like she always did.  To take care of me when I'm sick.  But most of all, to love these girls of ours.  To play with them and read to them and teach them.  To show, by her actions and love, the truest meanings of grace and beauty.  My heart aches for that sometimes.  I've told Justin many times how certain things would be different if she were here.  Then, a few weeks ago, that thought took on a different perspective.  Driving to school one morning, kind of out of nowhere, this thought came in my head (sort of like a whisper from above, if you will): Daddy and I would not have the relationship that we have now if Momma were still here.  Bam.  Almost drove off the road.  My Daddy and I are closer now than we have ever been.  We talk on the phone almost daily, he makes excuses to come see the girls all the time, he and Justin are forever working on one project or another.  Our relationship is better now than it's been in 30 something years.  I won't go into details, but if you know us, you know.  I cannot tell you exactly what happened or when, only that the Lord is still in the business of healing, still in the business of miracles.  He hears the cries of His children's hearts, when words cannot be spoken.  I prayed and prayed for my Momma to be healed of her cancer, for her health to be restored.  God had a different plan (as Mrs. Patsy sang so beautifully in church this morning) for healing and restoration.  I'm so glad He did.  Today my Daddy was sad, missing Momma as we all are.  But his sadness was tempered with the joy and laughter and kisses from 2 little girls that think that he hung the moon.  I like to think that Momma was there with us, watching Daddy try to eat his tacos with his arms full of Slaydon girls, and smiling.  I think she would've thought that was the best anniversary present of all.